


And the March Plays On

by MercuryHomophony



Series: The Reaper Family [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-13 02:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16884201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryHomophony/pseuds/MercuryHomophony
Summary: Just a nice, relaxing afternoon unwinding from work in the Blupjeans household[Prompt fill from WaltzQueen: Barry loses something small]





	And the March Plays On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WaltzQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaltzQueen/gifts).



> Many thanks to @definedredeemed, DM of the Stolen Stolen Century, for being my expert Barry consultant for this fic!
> 
> And thank you WaltzQueen, for your prompt!

The sun was hanging low on the horizon, casting a warm slanted glow across the rooms of the house. Everything here was warm, like its owners - reds and pale creams and oranges colored the furniture, the walls, the rug, with just hints of blues and greens around to tie it together. In this light, though, these darker colors were cast to black, deep coals in the burning flames of the rest of the decor. A light breeze ruffled the gauze curtains covering the giant window overlooking the backyard, and the shifting patterns of light completed the illusion of fire, peaceful, crackling low and quiet in its hearth.

That illusion was shattered by the loud, plane-rending rip that echoed through the living room.

“ _Finally_ ,” someone said, stepping through into the house. The speaker was female, and she wore a long tattered red robe that hung menacingly over a ghastly skeletal form. “Casa de Lupjeans, at long last.” She lifted her arms, stretching them over her head and behind her back, muscles and tendons and skin melting over her bones, with clothes appearing quickly after. Now, a plump elven woman stood in front of the rift, yawning as she soaked up the warmth of the late afternoon sun. “And the sun’s still out, score. Gotta get some rays after that chilly ass office.”

A man, already in flesh form, gently pushed past her, the rift sealing up behind him. He was middle-aged, pudgy, with a distinct resemblance to Tom Arnold. “Let me get in on that sun,” he teased, poking her ribs as he moved around her.

She gave a little squeak, nearly clocking him as her arms instinctively dropped to shield herself. “Asshole!” she shouted fondly after him. “After I took on all that extra paperwork for you, this is the thanks I get?”

Her husband, Barry, grinned back over his shoulder. “Oh no, you’re right, I do owe you!” He focused for a moment, Lup scrutinizing him. She squeaked again as a mage hand materialized suddenly, tickling her sides. “Barry Motherfucking Bluejeans!” She spun, snagging a throw pillow from the couch and lobbing it at him. He ducked it easily, mage handing it back to the couch.

“That’s Barry Lup-fucking Bluejeans, actually,” he shot back cheekily. She tried to scowl at him, but her lips just wouldn’t work with her, curving up around the shape of her laughter. She gave up the ruse, laughing.

“Hells yeah, babe,” she snickered, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye. “But, uh… maybe later - ch’girl’s beat over work today.”

He walked over to her, placing his hands on her waist, and she let herself be drawn in, draping her own arms over his shoulders. He smiled at her, nose-to-nose. “Then what do you want to do with the rest of our day?”

She nuzzled noses with him, thinking about it. The day had been a long one - they’d been working for weeks, tailing and tracking a ring of low-level necromancers who were dancing to the tune of a higher-level spokes-elf for a devil, trying to get to the ringleader of the operation before things broke bad. Kravitz had called them this morning with a solid lead, and so they’d snuck in and broken up the cult’s plans, reaping a few key souls and scaring the lackeys off the path of evil.

 _That_ had taken nearly all morning. _That_ had been the fun part.

The _not-_ so-fun part was the paperwork after the job. The Raven Queen knew every soul that entered or left her domain, simply as a function of her power and nature. Her employees, however, did not. At some point in the long history of the Astral Plane, some Reaper had gotten the brilliant idea to set up a filing system that allowed them to access information about souls _without_ having to seek divine intervention, or take a dip into the Astral Sea, every time. Lup also thought, personally, that they must have also been the most boring Reaper ever, because who the hell gets awesome Death-Goddess-given powers and immediately puts together an infinite filing cabinet?

It had been improved over the centuries; Kravitz had apparently been responsible for the new retrieval system, linking the book he carried with him to the database that existed in the Astral Plane, which saved them a lot of time searching the archives manually. Still, copying down all the details on a whole band of necromancers so they could retrieve it later if needed was a real pain in the-

“Lup?” Barry murmured, shaking her from her musings. She blinked, eyes focusing to see him looking curiously at her.

“Yeah, ch’girl’s beat,” she repeated. “I’m thinking just a chill night, yeah? Read something, maybe put on a movie.”

“Can I suggest something, then?” Lup nodded. “I’ve got a project I’d been working on in the study - would you like to hang out and read while I work, then we’ll do dinner and a movie?”

“Sounds perfect, Bar-bar.” She gave him a kiss on his nose, pulling away and taking his hands with her. “I can start that history book I checked out from Krav.”

Barry snickered, letting himself be led. “You mean stole? Tsk tsk,” he shook his head with mock sadness. “You really shouldn’t tease him like that; Taako’ll find out.”

“Maybe once he puts a ring on Taako and becomes my brother-in-law, I will,” she said, trying to radiate innocence. Barry snorted this time, that half laugh, half wheeze he did when something was particularly funny.

“Now I _know_ that’s not true - one, I’ve seen you and Taako tease each other, and _two_ , I’ve basically been Taako’s in-law for years now, and I can almost guarantee you’ll be worse than him when it comes time.”

She stuck out her tongue, dropping her hands and turning away as they entered the study. “This is lies and slander,” she said, flopping onto the fainting couch they kept there, across from Barry’s desk and Lup’s rather chaotic arcane workspace.

“I suppose it is merely speculation at this point,” Barry conceded, smiling. She jabbed a finger at him.

“See? Yes. Lies and slander.”

He laughed softly. “And what’s the penalty for that?”

“Hmmm…” she made a show of thinking it over, ears tilting down ominously. She snapped her fingers. “A kiss, and you grab me my book over there,” she demanded imperiously, gesturing to the pile of things atop her workbench.

“A fair and fitting punishment,” Barry agreed, picking up her book and leaning down to hand it to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He pulled back, smirking. “Good?”

She hooked him by his collar, tugging him back in, pressing her lips against his. Even after all these years, it still sent a spark through her, and she felt his upturned lips, mirroring hers. She held him there for a moment before finally taking pity on him and releasing him. He leaned back, blinking his daze away.

“ _Now_ we’re good,” she smirked, flopping back onto the fainting couch, levitating the book over her. “Relax time now, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, in that soft, dreamy way he had whenever she kissed him like that. She stifled her laugh, and his cheeks went red. He was smiling, though, as he gave her one last kiss on the head before moving to his own desk.

She smiled, watching him settle in, before sinking back into Optimal Lounging Position, staring up at her book floating in the air, and flipped to the beginning.

The tome was an old one, something she’d snagged from Kravitz’s office library, a small collection of books centered around necromancers and the Raven Queen’s history, and the unfortunate intersections of the two. She and Barry hadn’t been working for the RQ that long - a year or two, depending on if you counted training - but Lup was already digging a lot of what Bird Momma had going on, both aesthetically, and, to her surprise, morally. She’d been hesitant about the job - as hesitant as someone could be about a gig that spared them a near eternity in ghost jail, but still. Actual Death was a foreign concept to the Seven Birds, and suddenly working for the literal embodiment of that concept was jarring, even without the lich factor. The fact that her supervisor was also her brother’s boyfriend complicated matters.

Fortunately, things had worked out. Kravitz was actually a pretty good boss, and a decent dude, all things considered. They’d had a bit of a rough start, right after she’d gotten her body back, but he’d been genuine in his attempts to help them acclimate to the job, and he looked at Taako like he hung the moon. In her book, that gave you pretty hefty bonus points, especially if her brother went out of his way to reciprocate the sentiment.

Gods, they were sweet. She did wonder when they were finally going to get hitched, though. They had like, eight cats, a boy, and a house, and seemed to be speed running their way to a happily ever after. It was clear to everyone else they were on that track, she didn’t see why they were taking their time now.

…then again, she’d dragged her feet just getting with Barrold, so maybe it was hasty of her to judge.

Kravitz, however, was only their direct boss, and while she’d gotten to know him better, she was still sort of out of the loop on the big RQ. Not that the goddess hadn’t formed a presence in their lives, but Kravitz usually passed Her wishes onto them. The few meetings they’d had face to face, Lup was sure she’d charmed the goddess in her usual manner, but she didn’t know much about Her history or what She stood for, outside of workplace regulations. Her curiosity had led her to look for more resources, and Kravitz’s precious office library was a goldmine.

(Also, she may have wanted to learn details, so she could purposely get them wrong. You know, just to get under Kravitz’s skin.)

She had snagged the book that looked the most interesting without being incriminating, bypassing titles like “Orchus and You: A Detailed Guide to Crafting Rituals” for something a little less technical.

The book she’d settled on was “The Queene of Ravens: A History of Her Unending Majestyee and Graces Upone Her Dissenters,” complete with the fancy, old-timey spelling with too many e’s and s’s that looked like f’s. The last part of the title had caught her eye, and she had been excited to read about the smackdown prior reapers had lain on less scrupulous necromancers than her or her hubby.

Lup had just gotten past the introduction when she noticed a rustling sound from Barry’s desk. She glanced over, but Barry was simply looking through his desk, frowning. She flicked an ear and went back to reading, letting Barry to his work.

After a moment, she was disrupted again as Barry stood, quietly, and walked out of the room. She watched him leave, ears pricked, listening as he paced the hallway outside the office. After a moment, she heard him mutter “If I were my keys, where would I be?” before he made his way to another room. She rolled her eyes, smiling. Doofus lost his keys again.

A lot had changed in their lives, but some habits were never lost. Barry’s ability to get lost in his work and lose important items at the drop of a hat was one of them. He’d done it all the time back on the Starblaster, too, and had eventually taken to charming items with a jingle in order to locate them if they got lost.

It was a simple trick, really - a modified Magic Mouth spell, similar to the one he’d used on his Reminder Coin the first ten years they’d been on this plane. He would cast it on an item, usually a key fob or charm, and if he ever misplaced something, all he had to do was mutter the verbal component, and the fob would play a jingle until he found it. Sure, it still took a bit of hunting to actually track objects down, but it was much easier to find notebooks that were screaming the Fantasy Costco jingle.

(That one had been a prank. Kudos to Taako.)

She started reading again, absentmindedly keeping an ear out for Barry as he wandered through their home. She liked knowing where he was. It was comforting, knowing he was only a call away.

So, she noticed when he passed the door of the office again, just as she finished the dense set of editors’ notes. She’d only barely dug into chapter one when he walked by again, more hurried. The third pass, a few moments later, finally had her sitting up, lowering her book as she watched the doorway, ears up.

From the back end of their house, she heard Barry repeat “If I were my keys, _where_ would I _be_?” with more frustration than before, followed by the sound of rummaging.

“Hey babe? You cool?” The rummaging stopped.

“Yeah, uh… just misplaced the keys to my work safe,” he replied, sounding sheepish. “I could have sworn I had them this morning.”

“Retrace your steps?”

He walked by the door again, voice fading in as he did. “I’m pretty sure I did, but- If I were my keys, where would I be?” he called again, pausing in the doorway, brow furrowed as he listened. “It’s the weirdest thing, I could _swear_ that I can hear it…”

“Could you just scythe in for now, find the keys later?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s my components safe - Kravitz only overlooked it because it’s covered with holy deflection spells and locked with keys only I can use. If I start portalling through it wily-nilly, he’s gonna have my ass for it.”

She snorted. “As if he’d notice if you did it _once_.”

“Maybe not, but I’m not risking my literal goddess-given permission to do experimental necromancy to find out,” he said, and, yeah. That was a fair point. She sighed, stretching.

“Alright, you want a hand? I can lend you these sharp elven ears.”

“No, Lup, I don’t wanna mess with your reading -”

“Too late, babe, I’m already up,” she said, rolling to her feet. “So, say the thing.”

He sighed, smiling. “Okay. If I were my keys, where would I be?” he sing-singed softly again. Lup listened carefully, ears pricked.

And… _there_. Very faintly, she heard the soft chiptunes jingle Barry had placed on his key fob, coming through the door frame. She smirked. “Got it, Bar-bar.” She walked past him, listening as she entered the hallway to see which way to go.

It was… behind her? Back in the office?

Lup turned on her heel, frowning. Ignoring Barry’s hopeful-turning-confused expression, she pushed past him into the office, ears up.

The sound was behind her again, out in the hallway.

She turned again, frowning in thought. “Hey, Barry? Step over there for a second?”

“Uh, sure?” He stepped over to the center of the office, where she was pointing, and she started prowling around him. “I don’t have them on me,” he added, craning his neck to watch her go. “I swear, I checked all my pockets, jeans, robe, _and_ shirt.”

She paused in front of him, tapping her chin. “You said you had them this morning…”

“Yes.”

“Before we got the call from Kravitz?”

“Correct.”

“What do you remember doing with them?”

He let out a huff of air. “I don’t know, I thought I had them on me, in my pocket or something, but-”

“Babe.” She had it figured out, but there was really only one way to prove it. “Do me a favor and go spooky?”

He frowned, a flush coloring his cheeks. “Is this really the time,” he asked, exasperated, and his expression mixed with the implication had her bursting into laughter.

“Oh, no,” she giggled, wiping a tear from one eye. “Babe, I swear, it’s key related.”

He gave her a suspicious look before sighing. “Alright,” he said, slipping into his skeletal reaper form. “But I don’t know what- oh!” he exclaimed softly as a chiptune’s [Fantasy Chopin’s Funeral March](https://youtu.be/Hsh3VZ0Nc-E?t=42) suddenly rang through the quiet office. Lup leaned forward, smirking mischievously as she plucked the keyring from its precarious spot, hooked on Barry’s ribcage.

“Found your keys,” she said, giving him a little kiss where his nose would have been, dropping the keys into his hand. He stared down at them, dumbfounded.

“How- I don’t- _my shirt pocket_ ,” he said suddenly, clapping his free hand to his skull. “I was wearing that new shirt - I must have put the keys in the breast pocket and forgot about them when I shifted! I - Geeze, have they been inside me all _day?_ ” he realized suddenly, pinching the keys in his fingers and holding them at a distance. Lup laughed again.

“You’re just lucky they didn’t fall off while we were working,” she teased. A faint red glow lit his cheekbones.

“Oh, shit, yeah,” he said. “That, uh… would have been bad.”

Lup patted him on the cheek, giving into the urge to give him another spook-smooch. “Well. Glad I could help, babe,” she said, walking back to her book. Barry went back to his own desk, muscle and skin flowing back over his features as he unlocked his safe, pulling out the components for his work. After a moment, he looked over at her.

“Love you, Lup.”


End file.
